The Downsides Of Wherever You Ski: The Condensed List

December 1, 2009 Frank Konsella

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People crack me up sometimes. They always seem to moan and whine about wherever they are. Newsflash: There is no perfect place. The latest absurd whinefest: Another new lift proposed in Utah’s Wasatch, this time in Solitude. They’re still whining about the proposed Flagstaff lift at Alta, too. C’mon Utah, the Wasatch is small and there’s a big huge city at the base, so there might as well be ski lifts all over the place- you want wilderness, this isn’t the place (to paraphrase the Mo-mo’s). So here it is, for all of you skiers wondering where you should go: Here comes the hate…

Utah: It’s a tiny range, people! The terrain is average at best, there are lifts everywhere, first tracks are hard to come by, Salt Lake City has some of the worst pollution anywhere, and that doesn’t even count the Mormon factor or those evil Helicopters taking people skiing. Not recommended.

Colorado: Everyone knows all of Colorado is flat and it never snows here. Plus, there are way too many people. Bad call.

Jackson Hole: Season passes cost about [Dr. Evil voice] one million dollars [/Dr. Evil voice] and the season lasts about two weeks. Everything faces East so the snow is always bad. Real Estate costs one billion dollars. Avoid at all costs.

Pacific Northwest: It rains. When it snows, it’s more like rain. The sun never shines, and nobody can ever see where they’re going. You have to drink a cup of coffee every hour on the hour just to try to stay sane. Stay away.

Tahoe: It rains. Steep pitches are steep, but they’re probably no more than 100 vertical feet high. Do yourself a favor, don’t go to Cali.

British Columbia: It rains. When it snows, it’s more like rain. The sun never shines, and nobody can ever see where they’re going. You have to drink a cup of coffee every hour on the hour just to try to stay sane. Plus you have to say things like “paasta” instead of “pasta” and “aboot” instead of “about”. This place sucks, eh?

Montana: The nearest city is about a forty hour drive away. Wait, that might be a good thing. Big Sky has more sharks than they had during the filming of “Jaws”. It’s always gray, and cold. Sorry, no occupancy.

Alaska: There are roughly five minutes of sunlight during the winter days. It’s cold. It’s far from everything. Sometimes it even rains. There’s like bears, and crevasses, and scary stuff like that. Safer to stay at home.

East: Not even worth taking up space on the internet to list all the reasons the East is all wrong.

Allright, that’s about all the hate I can rant about for now. I’m sure some readers have some good ones they can share. So let’s hear it. 😉 🙂

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Frank Konsella

Frank loves snow more than anything... except his wife. He ensures his food is digested properly by chewing it 32 times before swallowing.He is a full-time real estate agent serving Crested Butte and Gunnison and would be honored to send you his monthly newsletter.

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